you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
