I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
