Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize