12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
