# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
