We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
