Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
