ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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