I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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