You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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