i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
