And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
