I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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