What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
