can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
