I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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