my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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