Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
