I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
