Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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