what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
