dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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