Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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