Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
