When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
