Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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