My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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