OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
