I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
