I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why do cheetos always look like penises
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
