im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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