It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
