Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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