I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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