Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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