A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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