how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
