Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
