I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
