he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
