hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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