You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
