I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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