Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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