I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
