It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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