you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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