Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize