every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
