she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
