went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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