Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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