Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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