i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
