had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
