i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
