You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
