glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
