i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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