Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
