This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
