If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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