Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
