those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my liver is dry heaving
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize