there's paper in my vomit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
