i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
