I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
